Human Soup

Roaches are going to take over the world. Ok, they’re already taking over the world, but they’ll be here long after we’re gone. brown described the irony that we look up to Lions, Tigers, and Bears (oh my!) as ‘Kings of the jungle’ as they’re going extinct. But roaches and rats, and viruses are doing great. While we’re busy, as Sharmer says, “collectively creating results that nobody wants,” collaborative, adaptive life is thriving – and we’re not paying attention. When we’re all dead from competing with each other and making bad decisions together, the roaches are going to be having a party… probably a potluck.

(I had this part somewhere else but thought it would be dramatic if this assignment started with ‘Roaches are going to take over the world,’ so I moved it up. Was it as satisfying as I had hoped?)

The roaches reminded me of a capstone project I considered. The idea was to create a virus (series of small practices or experiments that anyone at any level of an organization could try) that we would plant deep within an organization (at the most junior level) and would spread, like a starling murmuration. Like the roaches, a virus gets in there, spreads, and adapts until it has taken over. What if we did that with kindness, distributed leadership, with listening? (I know the word virus has negative connotations these days, but it could have had cool branding.) 

So what percolated for me? Everything. So much water percolated for me that now there’s just coffee. (She always brings it back to coffee). It’s as though I finally found myself in this reading. It gave me words to describe and validated how I’ve been feeling and living my whole life. It was simultaneously ‘Duh,’ and ‘Aha!’ in the most amazing ways. brown says, “My style is more ‘Ooh ah wow how??’ than ‘Empirical data proves that…’ and I responded with great enthusiasm, “YES! That’s me!” And then Scharmer said, “It’s a shift that requires us to expand our thinking from the head to the heart,” and I screamed, THIS IS WHERE I THINK! I AM NOT ALONE! 

Then, I had to look up adrienne marie brown’s MBTI type because I knew we had to be kindred MBTI spirits. She’s an INFP to my INFJ. Intuitive Feelers (NFs) are “perceptive and highly idealistic people who wish to contribute meaning to the lives of others.” They are also highly attuned to future possibilities, especially “possibilities for people.” INFJ is the rarest personality type making up just 2% of the population, and INFPs just 4.4 percent. There aren’t many people that think like us, which is why it feels so amazing to find someone (especially someone who wrote a book! and uses parentheticals!) who sees the world similarly. 

brown and Sharmer are just putting words to very natural ideas. brown says, “We are already emergent beings, just by our very own existence – but we’ve been tricked away from it.” Adaptive Strategy, Emergent Strategy, Awareness-Based Systems Change, unless I’m misunderstanding, it’s just living while making tiny intentional choices along the way that creep us in the direction of our gelatinous vision. It’s adjusting, learning along the way, and not being married to a specific outcome. It’s starting right where you are, in the present moment, small, and then like the starlings, affecting those closest to you. Sharmer calls this ‘presencing’. 

But because it’s so natural, it can move toward ‘good’ or ‘evil’ or anywhere in between. “Horrible, racist, sexist, ableist, patriarchal, outdated, inflexible plans can be pitched as strategic,” brown says, so we have to nudge in the right direction. Otherwise, we are, as Scharmer says, “collectively creating results that nobody wants.” That’s why it’s important to align intention with attention, because wherever you put your attention on grows. 

It sometimes feels that every day is an adaptive strategy experience, but I realized that my solo travel experiences (especially the ones where I said F everything and left everything behind) are a physical, almost comical embodiment of adaptive strategy. 

I’ve taken many of these, but I’ll focus on my trip to India in 2013. I left not knowing what I was going to do, I just knew where I was going to land, where my first night’s hotel was, and from there, anything could happen. On the plane to Mumbai, I made friends with the woman sitting next to me, and she invited me to have dinner with her family. We dined in a fancy hotel lobby with marble floors, high ceilings, and mosaic columns. Then they drove me to my shitty hotel after dark, where I rang the doorbell and settled into my room, jetlagged and scared and excited. 

From there, I took one decision at a time, based on the information I had, what felt right, or what other travelers told me, with the intention of having an adventure, stretching myself, and learning something new. I made new friends, and we would travel together for a little while and then part ways; sometimes, we would reconnect accidentally or intentionally along the way. I didn’t have a return ticket because I didn’t know when or from where I’d be leaving or where I’d be going. 

It was incredible. And so scary. It taught me so much. I did some stupid things; if I hadn’t done them, I wouldn’t be who I am today. My intuition, my heart, my gut, whatever you want to call it, saved me from dangerous situations and pointed me in the right direction. 

McCandless and Shartau believe, “Very simple constraints unleash creative adaptability, generating possibilities where none seemed to exist before.” I think this kind of travel inherently adds constraints: a limited vocabulary to communicate, the limited amount of ‘things’ you can bring with you, the limited availability of familiar food, and the constraint of loneliness and our natural desire to connect with people. These constraints lead to new experiences and possibilities that can’t happen at home. And that’s intentional. So in some ways, yes, I approached this transformation with intentional constraints, but I ‘felt it’ more than logically thought through it with techniques like Liberating Structures. 

I played the role of the instigator – I intentionally started it because I wanted to have the experience (adventure). I chose and designed an experience that required me to adapt and would put me in a position where I would be required to stretch and learn. The Italian Riviera or a weekend in Paris wouldn’t have had the same effect. I made sure it would be difficult and scary. I showed up prepared but not overprepared. I like to do just enough research not to get murdered but leave enough as a mystery to experience the surprise, delight, and utter panic that goes along with landing in an unfamiliar place. I showed up with flexible expectations and with, an open mind and an open heart. 

This process reminded me of Ideas Arrangements Effects from Diane’s summer course. “Ideas are embedded within arrangements which in turn produce effects.” By changing my arrangement (location, situation, circumstances), I’m able to expand/alter my ideas (thoughts, perspectives, dreams) and, therefore the effects (the future, relationships with others). 

For that specific trip to India and others around the same time, there weren’t many apps to book hotels or tickets in advance, especially at the (VERY cheap) places I was staying. So I would arrive, walk from rundown hotel to rundown hotel, hostel to hostel, and ask to see a room. This was really frustrating and difficult every time I got to a new place. I was tired, and I had to choose a place without much context and with no Yelp reviews. Sometimes, usually, I picked one that was…less than awesome. (I spent a full night sitting on a plastic chair in the middle of one room, worried about bed bugs and listening to someone with food poisoning in a room above me echoing through the corridor). I imagine the abundance of hotel and hostel booking apps changes things and takes some of that ‘adventure’ out of finding a room. Although it’s probably easier to avoid the bed bugs. 

In the context of Scharmer, these trips feel like an epic journey through the U; suspending old patterns of thought by being in an entirely new environment, literally seeing the world a different way and from a new perspective. According to Scharmer, “At the bottom of the U lies an inner gate that requires us to drop everything that isn’t essential.” I think some of this happens at takeoff. I literally “leave behind” whatever isn’t serving me (personally, professionally, mentally, and materially) with the intention of deconstructing my life, building it back up, “letting come” something new, and keeping only the old pieces that still work.

Travel requires unlearning old ways of thinking, talking, being, and doing and leaning into an emerging future. There is no future except that which is emerging. It requires you to follow your heart. Presencing is a constant, everything has been let go, and there is nothing to do but be present and follow your heart into what is emerging and what you are letting come. The crystallizing, prototyping, and creating begin on the way home as you reintegrate everything you’ve experienced, reinventing yourself and your life anew. 

In the context of Brown, this is the epitome of “Intentional Adaptation.” The process of changing to fit a situation or context with a purpose. It’s being water “moving around and past fixed objects” (Malkia Cyril). With travel, the principle of “never a failure, always a lesson” is essential because every moment is an opportunity to make a ‘mistake,’ to say something wrong, not understand a custom, not know the word. But each moment is an opportunity to learn- to learn that word, to build a new relationship, to be brave. brown says, “Each day I feel more authentic, and more capable. I don’t experience failure much these days; I experience growth.” This is exactly what this kind of travel feels like for me. I am aware of it in real life, but when plopped into the unknown, it is just this – only this. There are no failures. 

I can feel it in my body when it’s time for a trip. It’s actually been time for a long time, but I’ve been afraid of ‘letting go’ and afraid of what I might ‘let come.’ But it’s time now, and I’m leaving tomorrow. No epic adventure this time, just my laptop, a carry-on bag, and a chain hostel with good wifi. Unlike my trip in 2013 when I didn’t have a real job, dog, husband, or a graduate program, I’m having to adapt how I do it. I want to create a challenge and an opportunity to grow, without dumping everything. I want to think about how I can capture this feeling, this trip down the U, and take a little more of it home with me into everyday life. 

So off I go. I’m excited to meet some Nicaraguan roaches, I just hope the potluck isn’t in my room.